What Happened to Kindness?

I was reading Thena Smith's blog and came across this post, How Do We Bring Back Kindness? I have thought about this subject before, especially what happened to it in the first place.

Thena and I grew up in a world that is so totally different from today in many ways. It was a trusting world where we knew most people we came in touch with every day. Neighbors knew each other, by sight if not well.

I have often thought that things began to change when air conditioning became affordable for most people to have in their homes. Before they could spend summer days inside comfortably, most people in the cities, suburbs, and rural areas spent late afternoons and evenings outside while the indoors cooled down. You saw your neighbors sitting under a shade tree, on their porches, on the front stoop, or on the fire escapes. You might have moseyed over to talk and share a lemonade, an iced tea, a beer. Windows were open, so even if you were inside you heard the outdoor sounds and people talking. Children played outside in the streets, the parks, the vacant lots, someone's yard.

I have always liked to drive for relaxation. I don't go any place special, just make a circle and end up back home. One summer afternoon about 1980 I was driving along and realized that things seemed strange. I finally figured out it was the absence of people. Everyone was in their own house with the AC running, windows closed. No children were throwing balls or riding bikes. No adults sat on the porch or in the yard talking. In fact, most houses didn't really have a porch anymore, just a few steps up to the door. I noticed that this was as true in rural areas as in the cities and suburbs.

Another thing that changed was shopping. As a young child, I can remember neighborhood grocery stores. There was one every few blocks within walking distance. Mom knew the grocer by name. The people in the store were neighbors that you talked with as you shopped. I can remember walking to the neighborhood store with my grandmother. We would stop and talk or at least wave to neighbors along the way. But then the supermarkets came along and put the mom-and-pop groceries out of business. When you went to the store, you were waited on by strangers and saw mostly strangers in the store.

The same was true of other stores. Nearly everything has been replaced by the big box stores and malls. Even the stores of small towns suffered because people could hop in the car to go shop in the city. Of course, you many run into a friend or family member, but most of the time you see and deal with strangers.

These changes have isolated us from other people, our neighbors. We don't know each other anymore. People tend to distrust what they don't know.

And the media has made us fearful of our neighbors, making us suspicious that someone is always out to get us. Anytime something happens, like an kidnapping or a mugging, it makes the news. Some make the national news and you hear about it for days. It just increases the fear. Even an older lady like me gets suspicious looks if I smile or speak to a child in a store.

And then there is the stress that most people live under. Society expects us to always be doing something. Everything is at top speed. Everybody is overbooked, including the kids who have team sports, music lesson, dance lesson, etc. in addition to homework. They don't really have time to be kids anymore.

So we have become a society of stressed, isolated, and fearful people. It is much easier to be rude and unkind to someone you don't know and fear. And stress can itself make us short-tempered and rude, even to those we love.

I know this is an oversimplification of the problem. But I do think this is at least part of the problem. But as to the answer to Thena's question, how do we bring back kindness, I have no idea, except to try to be kind myself.